fadagaski | Entries tagged with emo

I'm stuck in a really awkward financial situation. I work part-time at the pub which just about covers rent and bills and food. I'm at school and university working towards a qualification that will, from September, ease a lot of my problems. In the interim, I am making repayments on two graduate bank loans and I have maxed out my two overdrafts.

I do not earn enough to qualify for a new loan.

I do not have anyone who could apply for the loan on my behalf.

I'm going to keep getting more and more overdrawn, but there isn't any more flexibility in these accounts.

But I can't quit my course now.

Fuck.

Current Mood: stressed
Current Location: Langley Moor

Got a speeding ticket.

Got a parking ticket.

Late to a lecture today.

Massive misunderstanding at school meant I was in big trouble for an afternoon before it got sorted.

Feeling fat and unhappy and unprofessional.

Drastically short of money, but have no time in which to earn more.

It's raining today.

Life is a black abyss.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: United Kingdom, England,Durham, Durham

I've been a bit down in the dumps for, like, a month. Reasons for this include the weather, fanfic deadlines, crap at work, working crap jobs, the weather. But I've just eaten a chocolate bar and am currently basking in a seratonin glow, so! A post of my awesomeness:

A. I can run for 30 minutes without a break.
B. I have size 14 jeans.
C. My hair is pretty.
D. I've lost 2 st 6 lbs since January.
E. I have jobs, which provide money!
F. In September I start teacher training, at which I will rock.
G. I can write fic. IMHO I am good at writing fic. I will in fact write fic tonight.
H. I'm a good friend. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you.

Go me!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Location: United Kingdom, England,Durham, Brandon

There's something about office temping that is actually more soul-destroying than bar work. In the bar, people talk to you. You're still a glorified cleaner on minimum wage, but at least your customers and colleagues look you in the eye and engage in conversation - sometimes intelligent conversation.

An office temp is too transient to warrant that much investment. S/he is still a glorified cleaner, on slightly better pay. I think the worst thing is that everyone around you is wrapped up in their work, stretching their brains, while I - who am not dumb, really - get asked to make coffee.

The coffee thing is the worst part. Menial faxing and filing I can do. It's useful. Productive. To me, the coffee has come to symbolise the state of being whereby you're undervalued, underestimated, and unachieving.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

12 mins to the end of Boy's mock English exam. A random post of randomisity:

A. I am self-sabotaging. Been staying up hella late this week reading badfic instead of writing my own fills or, y'know, sleeping. Brain, you are not so subtle.

B. eHarmony. Got a few convos going with some matches. I suppose the next part is to arrange coffee dates? IDEK. I've never dated before. I've never had a boyfriend before. How does this adult thing go?

C. I fail at writing fic. I'm more disciplined about running than about writing. Blaegh.

D. If the summer would just hurry up and load instead of timing out then the world would be a lot better.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: United Kingdom, Durham

I've done something drastic. Possibly it was driven by swinging hormones (hooray for the retreat of PCOS, but boo the return of hell week). In any case, I have signed up for ... eHarmony.

...

I can think of 101 reasons why it was a silly/bad/immature/desperate mistake, but I figured: "Meh, what have I got to lose [besides a one-month subscription fee of £34.95?]?" So I did it. I signed up, answered the tedious questionnaire, wrote my profile and posted some pictures. Got a few matches that sparked my interest. We'll see how it goes.

Sometimes I just get a bit tired of house - pub - house. Figured maybe house - pub - roundtrip to Rochdale or Berwick - house might ease the boredom.

And also I'm lonely. I can admit that, I think. (Not that the housemate isn't wonderful, for she is and I love her to itty-bitty-sneezy pieces! We are an old married couple in practically every way possible!)

I'll shut up now.

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: Langley Moor
Current Music: OMFG why does the Popcorn Hour buzz like that?

Managed to drop three plates of food onto a table, splattering a baby with shards of porcelain and hot gravy. Have never been so mortified in my life. Cried to myself for the best part of 35 minutes.

I am thoroughly, bone-deep exhausted.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Current Location: United Kingdom, England

Disclaimer: I am quite drunk. I intend to be more drunk by the end of this post. Ergo, post will be nonsensical.

( Cut because I am just that considerate. And awesome. )

Icon: Because maybe I don't love it, but at least Chris Pine is pretty when he's beat to hell.

ETA: Also, I feel like absolute shit complaining about all this crap because my BFF-cum-almost-sister has got a BARIN in her brain and will be undergoing radiation therapy shit and her life obviously sucks way more than mine and I am STILL drinking to distract myself from the trauma of losing my temper. OMFG.

Current Mood: drunk
Current Location: Ushaw Moor

Utter bust. That job I was 'secured' yesterday? Yeah, the manager I left work early to meet today, wasn't there. So. That's that, then.

Will apply somewhere else. Tomorrow. When I'm not feeling hot, sticky, depressed, and broke.

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Location: Ushaw Moor
Current Music: Enterprise

Today has been ... conflicted. Work was light, and the bloke who sits next to me has essentially got me a second job for evenings and weekends (to be confirmed tomorrow when I go for interview, but he said it's "guaranteed"; I'm hopeful). And I confirmed that this Sunday, at least, I will have a social life - a geeky social life where I dress up as a Saxon and sew using an authentic needle whilst not wearing any shoes - but a social life nonetheless.

However, I've been sat opposite Ponce who is, as his pseudonym implies, a giant poncy arse; and, because of wicked mood swings, I snapped at Geordie. What happened was, he's a big bloke, and I was sitting down when he was getting in my face/space having a go (in a joke-like way), and it sparked an instinctive negative reaction (adrenaline rush, racing heart, etc). So we had a falling out, and now I feel bad, even though I apologised, explained why I snapped, and now we're supposedly okay with each other again. I just know it'll go round the office. And on top of that, I accidentally implied to Ponce that I'm a lesbian, which I'm sure everyone suspects because of the short hair, and isn't insulting in the least but is very, very annoying.

In conclusion, my big mouth should just shut the fuck up.

Current Mood: stressed
Current Location: Ushaw Moor

( Cut because I am vaguely ashamed of my whinyness )

Current Mood: lonely
Current Location: Ushaw Moor

I was in Milan! ( And this is what I did, as narrated by someone else )

This flat seems to get smaller every time I come home. So today, for purposes of finding employ in order to have own room/bed again (having been spoilt by en suite in Switzerland), I get to sign up with 70 bakillion temp agencies up the city. W00t. And also buy Xmas presents. And also deposit monies. FTW.

I am feeling very selfish, this season, fyi. Normally I'm all about the listening to other people's problems, the offering of hugs/tea/advice, the glowing with optimism and enthusiasm. Not right now. Now, I'm all about the fact that I have one pair of trousers, three t-shirts, and no bed of my own. Lemme wallow for a while in unemployed, Merlin-less, not-exactly-miserable-but-still-feeling-petty selfishness.

Current Mood: lazy
Current Location: Milton Keynes

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Page generated Jun. 28th, 2025 06:46 pm

The Blob

of mushified brainisms

Entries tagged with emo

Fuck

Reasons life sucks

A positivity post!

Life and times of an office temp

Tutoring again

Am I bowing to societal conventions?

FML

I AM HERE TO REGISTER MY DISPLEASURE

Sucktastic

It's been a day

My equivalent of a bad day

O hai Englund

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April 2019

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