The Blob

There are many things I want to do, and seeing the path to doing them is nigh impossible. I want to live a location-independent existing, working from country to country for the rest of my life. I would support myself any way I could - online/freelance writing, WWOOFing, TESOL, anything. I would go where the wind swept me.

But I can't. I have debts here, responsibilities, things and people that need looking after. So I must stay.

I tried looking up different ways to make money online. There are lots of ideas out there ... none of them guaranteed. I can't risk that.

The Yearning is for a challenge. To travel the world would be an immense challenge, but it's not possible right now. Instead, I'm setting my sights on something else. My new challenge - to get a Masters (in American Studies) and then a PhD (in Education?).

And maybe, in that time, other challenges might arise. Who knows?

A school that included in its job specification that applicants should have a 'dash of eccentricity' has invited me to interview on Monday. Hee!

First official lesson observation yesterday went super well. Love my kids.

Busy day today is busy. :S Lots of printing to do.

Now, these might seem obvious to most, but my brain is a funny little place and it can take quite a while for anything to figure itself out.

Realisation 1) Uni stuff really isn't that hard. I spent 5 hours today reading for my essay and I think in the end it'll be fine. It'll all be fine. And I like teaching. The hardest part of the next 6 months is keeping on top of both whilst negotiating my treacherous inability to remember anything deadlines.

Realisation 2) I'm 25; if I'm very lucky I've got another 75 years left. This means two things: firstly, 6 months of teacher training followed by a scholastic year as an NQT are not, in the grand scheme of things, a drastic length of time; secondly, I have up to 75 years to explore the world. Since I was 14 I've planned my gap year (and put it off and put it off and put it off). Nowadays I know a year could never be enough. But that's okay! Because I will have 75 years - more or less - to live in a hundred different places and sail across oceans and drive over continents and just experience all the different shades of human life there are. It's no longer bound by ideas of settlement. If I have a partner, they must understand that very essential vagabond side of my nature; and if we have kids, then they'll just have to learn how to pack light. There's really nothing in the world to stop me.

Shamelessly pilferred from loneraven. ( tl;dr meme )

Going for an interview at 3.30pm with a temp agency in Durham. I don't remember applying to them, but I picked up the call yesterday whilst asleep so my memory of the conversation goes like this:

Me: zzzzzzzz

Phone: *ring*

Me: zzzzzzz *picks up* zzzzello?

Consultant: *Peanuts-style mwaa mwaa mwaa* interview at some point this week?

Me: .... Yes? I'm free Wednesday.

And here I am, freshly showered and ready to roll. Though I think this interview is to sign up officially on their books? And they deal with office recruitment, which - pleh. But whatever pays, y'know? At least office hours are conducive to evening and weekend work.

Speaking of, I have all appropriate appendages crossed that I get the 8-hour weekend job at Ann Summers. *leer*

Umming and ahhing about the future, naturally. It's my default state. If Disney ask to hire me this winter, I'm not sure I'll go. I WANT to go, at some point, but if I've just managed to pull together 2-4 jobs in time for Xmas, the last thing I'll want to do is jump ship (pun entirely intended). So I'm thinking of speaking to their agency and asking them to remove me from the pool of applicants - at least temporarily.

Have instead been looking at the PGCE (Secondary), specifically in English with Drama at Durham. Durham's program is credibly worse than Newcastle's, but NCL is a long way away and I do not intend to have a car for very much longer. Though I'm still debating the merits of selling it.

*rolls eyes* My problems are so First World.

I'm on tenterhooks waiting for Durham Uni to process my application for MA English Lit. They now have all the papers they need, so it's just a case of them up-thumbing or down-thumbing. I'm praying for an up-thumb!

Depending on whether I get into this MA, I think I'll still apply to UC Berkeley (Rhetoric Department, Film Studies specialisation). I'm also going to apply to Cambridge (because if you're going to shoot high, you might as well shoot REALLY high) and - possibly, if I like the course and the lecturers and whatnot - Durham. And also Hull, as my reserve choice.

Work (Estate Agents) is boring. REALLY boring. I'm scratching for things to do by the afternoon, but it's an open office so it's not like you can sit on Word typing fic up without attracting attention. This is of Teh Suck. If I can stand to, I'll stick it out until uni starts in September. If I can't ... well, the recession is receding slowly, right?

Work (Pub) is still a laugh and a half. The hours were a bit weird over Christmas, with a couple of early closes because of the snow (which is yay-making!). I'm working nearly 20 hours at the Pub this week though, on top of 40 at Estate Agents. Eep!

Next week I'm off to Cardiff for my gran's funeral. She passed away on Christmas Day, apparently with no pain. She was my favourite grandparent when I was growing up ... and I'm going to stop thinking about her at work before I start crying. I'm sure it'll be beautiful. That is, if I don't die trying to get there via Milton Keynes to collect my sister on horrific icy roads in a blizzard at night after a 60-hour work week.

Is it geeky that I'm plotting potential chapters for my PhD thesis?

Durham wrote back and said, "Reapply". Which isn't overwhelmingly positive, but I'm pretty hopeful. Apparently the Head of the Taught MA looked at my MA TESOL application and didn't immediately run screaming for the hills. This is a good sign!

So now I need to go through the whole debacle of acquiring references, transcripts, etc, as well as writing an essay on why I should be allowed in, and submitting a 1200 essay on a literary topic. GAH!

Yesterday I picked up an extra shift at Pub. BAD IDEA. Started at 7pm and didn't finish until 2.20am. Got home for just before 3am. Woke up for Estate Agent job at 7am. Won't have seen housemate for 48 hours by the time I get home, which is sort of silly. Also, laundry machines hate me. Tumble dryer won't dry. Washing machine won't spin. Life is a black abyss.

Not working this Sunday. WOOT.

I have no brain.

Today I took the meandering route home to avoid the A1, as there was an overturned lorry at Gateshead and I didn't want to sit in traffic for half an hour. I arrived at the house to find the soundtracks for HSM1 and HSM3 on the stoop.

Dude, I would have gleefully sat in traffic for hours if I had had those CDs with me today. Hahah. Oh God, my brain.

Berkeley is growing on me, but I think I need to pinpoint a professor to target my emails towards. That way I have a whole year to butter them up, and maybe even meet them next summer when I go back to camp.

OMFG I love this movie so much. I need a ZEfron icon.

I'm thinking of deferring my place at Durham for a year. This is mostly because I am stupid amounts of indebted, and it would be sensible and wise to hold off for 12 months. It would give me a chance to work off what I owe, maybe even put some aside for tuition fees instead of taking out a loan, etc etc. Boring financial stuff is boring.

Also, I'd TOTALLY go back to summer camp next year. I've been missing it more and more, which is bizarre but not unexpected. I pine for Californian summer.

Should I defer my place at Durham?