The Blob

Today I was observed by an Ofsted inspector, who judged the 20 minutes of my lesson he saw as 'Requires Improvement'. In my feedback, he assured me that there were "lots of strengths" - my marking, the task, the differentiation - but that I stood in the wrong place so children went off task, and also their 'neat' books didn't show progression after marking.

I didn't think I'd be this thoroughly demoralised by getting a poor score. I think the worst thing is that it's not a dialogue. Someone has come in, seen 20 minutes of a lesson, and decided that's the grade. No dialogue. No conversation about my marking, or the children. Just: this is what you are.

Normally I am in school for 7am and I don't leave until about 5pm. I run 2 clubs and help run a 3rd. In the run up to the inspectors coming in, I stayed at school to work solidly for 14 hours on Monday and Tuesday. I was in again at 6am this morning. I care passionately about these children and their progress. And I wasn't able to express that. Just: this is what you are.

I'll be fine. I will be fine. I'm not an outstanding teacher, and even if I was I would still need to improve, but I think a fairer assessment would have been 'Good'. I am a GOOD teacher.

Fuck Ofsted and fuck Gove too.

Last night I dreamt that I gave birth to a baby called Josephine (a name I highly approve of) in my classroom at lunchtime but I hid her in the cupboard and continued to teach. Then after school I tried find Ameriboy but there was rioting and looting and I kept misplacing the baby.

Is it possible to start the school year organised, prepared and ready to hit the ground running?

Year 2 of teaching: so far the answer is no.

Lord of the Rings is on TV again. It's making me nostalgic for those 3 wonderful years of full fandom immersion. I don't remember reading a huge amount of fic, though I think the definition of 'huge' has been warped by my time in Harry Potter fandom. I loved the wait for the next film; I loved playing some of the tie-in games; I really loved gorging myself on Tolkien's works over and over again; I loved wallowing in the behind-the-scenes details of the movies and all those delicious DVD extras.

The sad thing is The Hobbit hasn't engendered the same level of enthusiasm anywhere on the Internet, never mind in myself, and the chances of reclaiming that sweet feeling of fandom gluttony are slimmer and slimmer every day.

I'm still determined to take a long holiday in New Zealand at some point.

I've been trawling the Web (as you do) looking at fitness sites and pinterest, and I've noticed that even the 'body positive' posts are incredibly negative.

Why do we couch these ideas in negative language? Weight loss, fat burn, butt buster, killer abs, butt-kicking workout, etc. Run away from your problems! Beat out worries!

I don't hate myself. I don't hate my body or my life . I'm really not unhappy. I want to improve myself not because I'm poor or weak but because I can be better. I want to run towards a goal, not away from issues.

Screw this fat shaming shit.

Due to my excessive gluttony and sedentary lifestyle - coupled with a boyfriend whose favourite dish is stir-fry pasta - I have ballooned to my heaviest weight ever: 88.8kg/13 st 9.

Need to do something about that methinks.

... in October! Who says I can't?

I've been trying to motivate myself into picking up running again, which has gone about as well as can be expected when one considers that I live in 3 houses over the course of an average week and I'm working the first half-term of my new teaching job.

But I digress.

From Monday, I'm finally going to get my butt into gear and start running. It's silly thinking of it as a chore, when the actual running side of it I really enjoy (even when it's cold - less so when there's rain). Besides, I would like to get fit so in the new year I can start CaniX training with one/some of sister's dogs. I think that'll be a great laugh.

Plus, I'll have more energy again. And maybe my pants won't be as tight, LOL.

Appropriate icon is appropriate. Happy splashy dog!

Met up with neutrallized yesterday, as she is studying in the UK. Woo! It was fun. There was consumption of non-chickeny Nandos, and spiced apple and almond pie from Ely (and also a quick stop at Ely cathedral, which is tres awesome but charges entry wtf.

Quote of the day (from neutrallized): You should have a baby!

Wow! So hi? I haven't posted in a canny while, which affects basically only me as I use this as a Record of Stuff (aka a diary). Things in my life (in general date order of occurrence):

1. Got a temporary job at the school at which I was training.
   
2. Moved into a tiny bedsit in Hartlepool.
   
3. Quit my Pub job.
   
4. Still with Boyfriend. ♥♥♥
   
5. Inducted at new school, where I met my form class. ♥
   
6. Found a new place in Bedford to live in for the next year - and it's furnished!.
   
7. Temporary job drawing to a close soon.
   
8. Still in debt, despite wonderful teacher pay cheque, but I can see the light at the end of this particular tunnel.
   
9. Realised I hadn't updated my Future Self on shit going on in life, and then wrote this post.

Are we up-to-date now, Future Self? Good. I hope life for you is going as wonderfully as it is for me right now.

I think that applies to everyone. :)

I am returned from the land of sickness. Slept most of my time in hospital. Attending physician wanted to do a bunch of tests (chest x-ray, heart tracker, urine test, etc.) but he was just a baby and his seniors told him to release me.

Released I am.

Slice of toast then bed.

Bucket list: ride in an ambulance [check].

Thank you shei for calling me. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)